The Pain of Those Left Behind
by LuvsDelkoSpeed
Summary: Eric suffers through many nightmares, what happens when one comes true?
1. Default Chapter

The Pain of Those Left Behind.

Spoilers: Dispo Day, Killer Date, Lost Son, ect.

Pairings: Eric/Calleigh, and they got busy...

Inspirations/dedications: This for the victims and friends and familes who loved them. The pain of losing a loved one is unbareable.

To L. M.T. A., We love continue to love you, and I take on your prayers.

To Grandpa, there's always a tamale in the fridge for you.

To Grandpa M. I wish I knew you better, but I still love you.

Disclaimer: I don't own anything.

A/N: This is a pretty angsty Eric story. Stay away if you are looking for full fluff. Lyrics by Linkin Park, Breaking the Habit.

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_Shots fired. Total chaos. People were everywere. Women screaming, grown men begging God for the gun to stop firing. _

_Strangely, Eric Delko felt like he had been here before. It was all to fimiliar for him. _

_His best friend. Lying on the ground, blood staining the sheet that had been placed over his dead body. _

_Eric knew he couldn't disturb the scene. But the tug of his heart informed him that he needed to see his best friend for the last time, before the funeral and autopsy would take place._

_As he pulled back the sheet, he noticed something different about his friend. The dark brown, curly hair that was suppose to be there wasn't. It was blonde. Long and blonde._

_He pulled the sheet back further, to relveal something more painful. It wasn't the body of Tim Speedle that had taken one to the chest. It was his wife's body- Calleigh._

_"NOOO!" He screamed. "_No way this is happening!"_ His mind and every nerve in his body screamed over and over again. "NOOOOO."_

IiIiIiI

_Memories consume  
Like opening the wound  
I'm picking me apart again  
You all assume  
I'm safe here in my room_

IiIiIiI

"Eric! What's wrong! Eric? Wake up!" The frantic voice of Calleigh Duquesne rang through out their small bedroom. "You're having a nightmare! Wake up!"

"Call..." he trailed off. He wrapped an arm around her. Holding her close, protecting her from the the nightmare that replayed itself over and over in his head.

IiIiIiI

_Clutching my cure  
I tightly lock the door  
I try to catch my breath again  
I hurt much more  
Than anytime before  
I had no options left again_

IiIiIiI

"Are you OK darlin'?" She asked. Her head was tucked under his chin, as he clung on to her.

Eric felt like a two-year old, clinging to his mother after he had seen a clown at a circus. "I...I... am." He lied, regaining his posture.

"You don't look OK, Baby." She raised her hand to gently stroke his head.

"It was just a bad dream." He said, trying to reassure her.

"It was about Speed, wasn't it?" She pulled out of his protective embrace.

"Yeah." He sat up and rubbed his eyes. "Only it was worse."

Calleigh's green eyes grew wide. "How could it be any worse?"

Eric felt like someone stabbed him in the gut. "I..." He couldn't meet her gaze." I can't tell you."

"Eric, please. You need to get this off of your chest." She made him look at her "You just came back from the shrink, I don't want to hear you complain about going back again, and so help me God I will make you go back if don't tell me." She demanded.

Eric looked down, breaking the eye contact she made them share,"It was exaclty how Tim died..." He paused, "Only when I pulled back the sheet, you were laying there instead of Speed.."

"Oh... Eric.. I'm so, so, sorry." She put her arms around him.

"It's OK. I feel better that I told you about it, than bottling it up inside waiting for it to explode."

She smiled sypathetically."I'm glad you told me, too."

"Mommy? Daddy?" A small voice called out from their doorway.

"Oh, baby! Come here!" Calleigh said.

A little girl of about three, scampered onto their bed, crawling into her father's lap.

"You're suppose to be asleep little missy." Calleigh scolded.

"You guys were to loud." She wined.

Eric smiled at his little daughter. She was adorable. At three years old, Anna Maria, had his dark hair and Calleigh's green eyes.

He was glad she came. She seamed to always sense when her parents were in turmoil.

Anna Maria played with her footie pajamas, the pictures of Darth Vader crinkling as she pulled at the fabric. Even though they were boy's PJs she couldn't care less. All that mattered to her is the 'Star Wars' logo printed under Vader's mask.

Eric watched his little girl. He had been the one who got her hooked on Star Wars.

"Can I sleep with you tonight?" She looked up at Calleigh and Eric with a pleading look.

Their hearts always melted when she did that.

"Sure. Just try not kick Daddy like you did last night. OK?" Eric said, somewhat embarassed.

Calleigh cackled.

He shot her a warning look.

"OK, Daddy." She nodded, then curled up between Eric and Calleigh. Letting out one final sigh of victiory, she drifted to sleep.

Eric looked at her, resting peacefully. "I would kill myself if anything happened to you two..." Eric said to Calleigh.

"Nothing will." She patted him on the cheek."Let's go to sleep."

He nodded in a agreement. He glanced at the clack on the nightstand. It read 4:13.

Eric looked up at the ceiling. He closed his eyes. No longer dreaming about the monsters that could harm his family.

Only imaginary light filled his dreams.

IiIiIiI

Next Day

IiIiIiI

"Eric." Horatio Caine, his boss, approached him.

"Yeah H." He responded, taking his mind off the clothes he had been processing for an on-going case.

He took of his sunglasses."There's been a shooting..."

Eric stopped.

His heart beat faster and faster, almost as if it was trying to escape from his chest.

He turned around to face Horatio. "No, Oh God no! Tell it's not Calleigh! Please! God! Tell me it's not Calleigh! Damnit!" He shouted hitting the desk with is fists.

Horatio looked down. "The ambulance took her away. " He looked up. "It doesn't look good."

"Where?"

"Eric, calm down. I don't need one of my best CSIs getting killed in a crash."

"Where!" He demanded.

"I'll take you." Horatio slipped his sunglasses back on,"Alexx is already there."

"We have to get Anna Maria..." He ran for the lab door.

"Eric, wait!"

Eric turned, Horatio could see his eyes water. "Alexx has her."

Eric nodded and ran out the door, making his way to one of the Hummers.

Horatio had no choice but to run after him, in attemps to keep him from driving off by himself. However, much to his surprise, Eric was waiting the driver's seat, with the motor running.

"Come on H," He gritted his teeth. "We don't have all day."

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Well how was it? Let me know!

I'll have a new chapter sometime (hopefully) soon.


	2. He Saw It Coming

The Pain of Those Left Behind:

Chapter Two:

He Saw It Coming

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A/N: I apologize for my spelling errors in the chapter, I'm still new to posting stories at this site, and I will correct the past errors in time.

Last night I tried to upload this new chapter, but I was half asleep and I screwed up. I ended up freaking out thinking I would have to scrap the whole thing. So I just removed the first chapter, re-uploaded it, and now I'm attempting to try it again.

Now I'll cross my fingers and hope I do it correctly...

Now, to my awesome reviewers: Rock On.

Pairing: E/C of course and I will attemp to add H/Y--  
no H/S today folks ;-)

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Eric and Horatio entered the waiting room after the 15 minute drive to Dade Memorial Hospital, where Calleigh went into immediate surgery.

Upon arrival, they were greeted by Alexx, Yelina, Ryan and Anna Maria.

"Eric, honey.." Alexx rushed over to give Eric a hug."Are you Ok?" She asked him gently.

"I don't know Alexx... I don't know."

"Daddy!" Anna Maria ran over to him and hugged his leg."Why are we here? Auntie Alexx wouldn't tell me." She pouted.

Eric looked at Alexx pleadingly. She turned away, trying to hide her tears.

He pulled her off his leg, into his arms. "I'll tell you later. OK?

"Okay..." She pouted.

"Hey, I'm going to go up to the waiting room, anyone want to go with?" Ryan asked.

"I'll go." Eric said, still holding onto Anna Maria.

"Yeah, wait for me,too." Alexx replied.

"What about you H?" Eric said holding the door open with the button.

Yelina nodded toward Horatio, indicating she wanted a word with him.

"I'll be up in a minute." Horatio responded,

"Ok." Eric answered, then he let the door close.

"Come on, let's take a little walk." Yelina said.

"Any word on Calleigh since they took her up?"

"None so far, Horatio. They only said she needed immediate operation, and took her away." She sighed heavily, "I'm sorry that this had to happen again. If there is anything I can do to help.."

Horatio nodded, took his sunglasses off, looked her straight in the eyes, and said, "You all ready have helped me."

She smiled shyly and blushed."You know Horatio... I kicked Stetler out last night."

He raised his brows. "Oh really."

"Yeah, he was pissing me off. I overheard him trash talking you and Ray. And I decided not to take it anymore." She shrugged like it was nothing.

"Are you OK about that?"

"Sure, I really don't care for him anymore...He was nice to me at first."

"Yelina.. I swear if he ever laid a hand on you..."

"Settle down, Horatio. He never hit me."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes."

"Can I ask you a question?" He stopped.

"Anything."

"Why are you sharing this with me?"

"Because, I want you to know my door is always opened."

Horatio smiled slightly."Thank you." Horatio had always thought _he _had to tell people that.

She smiled in return. "What do you say we go up to the waiting room and give our friends some support."

"Good idea."

And they went back to the elevators.

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The group had been at the hospital now for about 3 hours, having not received any news since they arrived

Eric was the one who finally broke the silence that fell upon the waiting room.

"H... How do I tell her that her mother's been shot?" Eric asked quietly, looking at Anna Maria, she was sitting silently on the navy blue couch in the waiting room, trying to make sense of what was happening.

She has no idea what was going on- she just knew something was wrong.

Horatio took off his sunglasses. "Eric, If you like, I can tell her."

He thought about this for a second. "No." He answered," I better do it. It's my responsibility as her father."

"I understand." Horatio nodded toward her."You shouldn't keep her waiting any longer."

"Yeah. I'll do it now."

He made his way to the couch and sat down.

"Anna..." He said quietly," There is something I need to tell you." He told her.

She looked up at him curiously. "Uhuh?" He clearly had her attention.

"Something happened to Mommy today at work."

"What Daddy? Is that why we're here?"

"Yeah.. See, A bad man hurt Mommy, and she might not get better." He sighed.

The little girl looked at Eric, fully understanding what he had said. He and Calleigh didn't waste any time telling her that there was bad people in the world that could hurt her, and at her young age, they taught her enough that she knew what could happen.

Eric watched tears cloud her green eyes. "Okay." She nodded.

She closed her eyes and looked down.

After a minute of silence, he finally asked, "Are you OK baby?"

She nodded her head again, "I was asking Jesus to take care of Mommy." She answered, clutching the Rosary Eric's mother had given her the week before.

That simple sentence nearly broke Eric's heart more than it was already broken. He remembered what it was like, having that child-like faith.

"Come here." He picked her up and set her on his lap. "Are you sure you're OK?" He kissed her forehead.

"N..no..." She stuttered, then burst out into tears.

"It's going to be OK sweetheart..."

"But how can I be OK when Mommy's not OK?" She sobbed.

Eric could no longer hold back his tears, it was too much for him to handle.

Too much at one time.

After a few minutes of the father and daughter crying, Anna Maria finally fell asleep in Eric's arms. He guessed  
all the crying had taken all the energy out of her little body.

He decided to lay her back on the couch, while he got some fresh air.

Eric walked outside to square balcony that sat outside the waiting room. He needed the time alone, to think about the pain that had fallen upon his little family.

He tried to think of what Calleigh might have been through, what pain she experienced. But the strange thing, (or what was strange to him) is that when ever he thought about Calleigh lying on an operating table, he thought about Speed, and if he had cleaned his gun, he might have been in the exact same place, exactly three years ago.

That scared him for some odd reason.

_Three years...ago today..._ He thought.

It haunted him. The dreams haunted him, which also brought him back to the nightmare he had of Calleigh getting shot. He had actually forgotten about that until now.

It must have had some kind of premonition, there was no other explanation.

His train of thought was interrupted by the sounds of a door opening. He looked over to see Ryan Wolfe standing behind him.

"Hey Eric... " He came to stand by him, looking over at the Miami skyline.

"Hey Wolfe." He responded glumly.

"I wanted to tell you that I'm sorry what happened to Calleigh.." He rubbed his temples. "I heard the gunshot... I..I.. tried to get her out of the way in time, but I couldn't." He stuttered. "I'm really really sorry." His voice finally broke. "I guess it wasn't enough."

Eric patted his friend on the back, "Don't blame yourself. You did what you could...And I'm thankful for that."

Ryan looked at him, "You really mean that?"

"Yeah. Why wouldn't I?"

He shrugged. "I don't know, I guess I thought you might blame me."

"Nah...man." He held out a hand."Are we cool?"

"Yeah, thanks."

Suddenly Alexx's frantic voice came from behind them, "Eric! You better get in here! The doctor wants to speak with you!" Worry and hope collided in her voice.

Eric shot a quick look at Ryan, and ran after Alexx. Ryan followed as quickly as possible.

Eric got in the waiting room, and asked Alexx, "Where is he?"

"Over there.." She pointed towards the left of the room.

He walked over to a tall man of about 40 years old, dressed from head to toe in scrubs, his gentle, blue, eyes peering over the green surgical mask.

"Ah, Mr.Delko." He said, offering a hand to shake.

"Sir.." He readily shook his hand, "How is she?"

"We extracted the bullet, it was dangerously close to the aorta, but we got it."

"Ok... "

A sigh of relief swept the room.

"But she's not out of the clear, yet. She might be at risk of infection."

The worry re-entered, dominating any optimism that had come.

"Luckily, the baby was unharmed. She's been assigned a room, we're just waiting for her to regain consciousness."

"What!" Eric exclaimed, in complete state of shock."S..s.she was pregnant?"

"Yes, about one month. She didn't tell you?"

He suddenly felt sick. Hot, cold, and nausea all set in at the same time. He slumped to the floor, and gulped.

"Eric!" Horatio knelt down next to him."Give him space! Give him space people." He ordered, pushing back his friends. "I know you care... He just needs space.." He turned Eric's head to face him. "Eric.. Stay with my buddy, stay with me."

"H... I feel terrible. I.. I could have lost Calleigh and a baby..." He looked white as a sheet.

"It's OK Eric... It's going to be OK." He assured.

Eric nodded. "Yeah. I just need some air..."

"Ok... We'll get you some air."

Horatio and the doctor helped Eric up and took him outside on the balcony.  
After leaving him to lean on the railing, Horatio summoned the doctor to speak with him.

"No offense Doctor, but, " Horatio slid his ever-ready sunglasses on, "If there is something you are not telling him..."

Horatio never got to finish his sentence. Because, the doctor inerjected, "This is really none of your business, Detective Caine, she isn't your wife, or your daughter." He defended himself.

"You know something... You're right. She isn't. But she _is_ my friend, and my friends _are_ my family. So, I must say again, if there is something you aren't telling him, I might suggest you do so, before I arrest you for withholding information on an on-going case." He said cooly, "Because, my friend, that is illegal"

"Ok... Ok..." The doctor finally broke."I found something else..."

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I know... I know... I am evil by ending it right there ... hehehe...

What do ya think? Let me know, Ok?


	3. On the Outside Looking In

The Pain of Those Left Behind

Chapter Three,

On the Outside Looking In

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A/N: Sorry it's taken a bit to get this up, I'm trying my best to put much thought and consideration to each character. Because I feel you can't write a good story if you don't capture each character how they really are.

o-o-o-o-o-o

Horatio tilted his glasses forward."Continue please." He ordered.

The Doctor managed to maintain his professionalism, and continued,"During the middle of the operation, one of the attending nurses noticed she was using more blood than she was losing. We couldn't pinpoint how until the until the anesthesiologist saw blood pooling on the operating table on the left side of her body. It wasn't much blood but enough to be concerned about.I closed her up as fast as I dared to. After that, I had the orderlies gently flip her on her side, so I could get a look at what was causing the bleeding."

"And what caused the bleeding, Doctor." Horatio asked, putting stress on the word 'Doctor'.

"Another bullet hole." He answered, trying not to look nervous. The doctor pulled out a small zip-lock bag and handed it too Horatio."It was the most complicated surgery I've ever performed, but I pulled it off."

He calmly took the bag, it contained two bullets. He managed to keep his cool, but that was not how he truly felt. He was scared- No- scared was an understatement. He was terrified. It was like reliving the same nightmare that occurred three years ago, when Speedle died. "Thank-you. I'll be seeing you again, Doctor Kline." Horatio walked over to the railing where he had left Eric to get some air."Did you get enough air?"

Eric nodded in response."Yeah. I'm ready to go back in."

Horatio patted Eric on the back. "OK, let's go."

Eric stopped leaning off the railing and walked to the door, Horatio following.

"Eric, honey, would you like to see Calleigh?" Alexx asked him."This kind lady right here will take you."

"Yeah.. Could you wait a sec though? " He directed towards the nurse.

The nurse nodded.

"Hey Alexx.. I have a favor to ask."

"Sure honey." She replied."Anything at all."

"Will you take Anna home with you? She needs some sleep and I haven't asked Yelina yet."

"Of course! You know I love as if she was my own."

"Thanks Alexx."

"Hey, while you're on the sleep subject, you might want to try getting some later."

"I might consider it later on." He picked up the sleeping Anna Maria off the couch and gave her to Alexx."You got her?"

"Yeah. Wow, she's getting heavy!"

"Yeah.. They say kids grow up to fast."

"Isn't it the truth.Well... We're off. See you later guys."

A chorus of tired good-byes filled the room.

"Ok... Take me to Calleigh." Eric directed to the nurse.

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"Right this way, Sir..."

"Now it's my turn to ask, what did the Doctor say?" Yelina asked Horatio, they stood outside Calleigh's hospital room.

"He said," Horatio paused to take off his sunglasses, "They found another gunshot wound."

She gasped."You're kidding."

"I wish I was, I wish I wash... " He repeated. "Here... Take them." He pulled them out of his pocket and handed them to her, and then it was her turn to tuck them safely away.

She pulled her phone out of her jacket pocket."I'll call Kevin, the ballistics expert on the night shift, get him to process the bullets right away." She she punched the speed dial with her thumb.

Yelina took his hand, "We'll make it Horatio." She whispered and looked into his eyes.

The receptionist must have finally picked up, because Yelina sudden broke eye contact. "Hello? Yes? This is Detective Salas, I'm calling to tell you to give Kevin Van Kamp a heads up that I've got evidence that needs processing right away. Yes.. Mhhmm, Yes, Ok.. Well have him stop by then. Tell him this is top priority... Ok... Room 202.. Uhuh.. Bye." She flipped her phone together and put it back in her pocket.

Horatio lifted his brows."You're not taking the bullets to him?"

"No. The receptionist- Mandy I think her name is- said that he was just coming back from an active crime scene. He'll swing by and pick up the bullets." Yelina stopped to look at him."You look tired, go home and get some sleep."

"Yelina, you should know, I don't sleep."

She smiled wryly."Right... superheros don't sleep."

A light hint of sarcasm touched his voice."So they say..." He had noticed she had been looking at something for past few minutes, he asked, "What are you looking at?"

"Nothing.."

"Are you sure..?"

She sighedand shook her head."I wish Rick could have loved me like he loves her." Her stare was almost blank.

Horatio glanced past Yelina and looked through the glass window to see Eric holding Calleigh's hand and whispering something. He might have been crying, but there was no way to know for sure. After all, they were only on the outside looking in. "You know," He looked down and played with his sunglasses there were in his hands,"I know someone that loves you."

Yelina turned to face him. "Horatio... I.."

"Detective Salas?" A gruff voice called from behind.

"Yes." She was jolted back into the real world, not the Haven like place being with Horatio usually took her."Horatio, you know Kevin Van Kamp, the ballistics expert from the nightshift."

"Yes.. I do." He held his hand out for Kevin to shake.

Kevin shook it."I'm sorry.. Is this a bad time?" The biker looking guy asked. Leather, metal studs and tattoos covered most of his body, the tattoos ranging everywhere from Jesus to naked women. He looked nothing like what most would consider a successful person.

"No. Not at all Kevin."

"Mandy told me you have some bullets for me. She said it's top shit." He crossed his arms."You got'em?"

"Yes," She pulled the plastic bag Horatio had given her from her pocket."Here. Call me as soon as you process them." She handed him the little bag of evidence.

"You got it little lady! I'll one way you as soon as possible. OK?"

"That's fine. Thanks."

"No prob." He waved good-bye and left.

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Ok... Let me know how this is going. Tell me if it's starting to suck. Or better yet, tell me what you all would like to see happen next. OK?


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